Thursday, August 26, 2010

get motivated?

thank you m'lovely "anonymous" for that comment " <3 "
I do appreciate each and every comment I receive. Haha although all anonymous comments make me paranoid a family member may have discovered my blog...

I was going to get motivated today, but instead I sit here in my pyjamas still feel sorry for myself although I know everything is my fault. Go figure.

what I need is some inspiration. I need someone I admire to tell me every thing's going to be alright. That they believe in me. That I'm not the fat failure I think I am.
- unfortunately I can't see that happening any time before it's too late, if it's not already too late.

507 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   401 – 507 of 507
Erica Mayer said...

I believe in you, sweetheart. <3
One person has the power to do amazing things, and you are about to embark on a journey to awesometown.
Big smiles, and even bigger hugs :) Hang in there, cutie pie.

Anonymous said...

Lovely,
Always remember that you are remarkable, beautiful and truly capable of everything you dream for yourself. Know that my love is with you. Believe in you because I know you can do it.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I have felt the way you do/have been through the same experiences, and you just have to know how to make it through each day and eventually things will and do get better. Everyone is beautiful, and even if you can't see it in yourself doesn't mean that others don't.

Just do what makes you happy. That's all that matters in the end.

You seem like a beautiful caring person. Things do get better! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vinay said...

Hey Rachel,

I want you to realise that you are a wonderful person inside and dont let the world and its problems lock that wonderful person in...bring her out...shine bright...u wud never have to fake happiness or even think of self harm ever, if you just bring out the lovely you inside...
I do not know you...but I know that when a person can identify wats wrong(like u did) that person is more than capable to make things right(like u shud)...
So live to love and begin by loving urself
I believe you can!
With lotsa love and smiles,
Vinay
N.B. - your kitten is awesomely cute and so are u

Anonymous said...

Dear Rachel,
You are beautiful, and corageous and strong. We believe in you, and that it will all be alright. You are loved.

Anonymous said...

Rachel!!!!!!

Please please please believe that there are others out there that care about you. I feel a link to you even though this is the first time I'm on your blog.

Listen to me, read this. You are not fat. You are not ugly. From the tiny glimpse I get of you from this blog, I can see you are BEAUTIFUL.

I know I'm all over the place here, but it's because I have so much that I want to get out to you. I'm 17. Almost 17 and a half. I battle with social anxiety too. I have many more problems than the average teen, and I know how much it hurts. It's like the whole world is against you.

Please don't harm yourself. Please please please. I'm not just some whiny teen stalking your page. I care so much. Honestly, I don't want to you get hurt. Cutting is evil. It's a black hole that sucks you in. I've always known it's bad. It's stupid. It's completely brainless. I know that it eventually amounts to something less than what you had. I know from past experience.

I'm not one of those depressed cutters. I was really angry, and I wanted to create a secret. I spent hours designing a swirly lineart picture, and drew it on my arm. Then using my craft knife, I went over the lines in a shallow cut. I didn't bleed, but it hurt. And it took ages.

Do you know how disgusting it hurts to sit for hours and listen to a craft knife cut through your flesh? It's horrible. The reason I designed it was because I wanted a pernament scar. I rubbed calligraphy ink into it. I was so so so stupid. Eventually, my cut healed. But I didn't cut deep enough. It looks like a bruise. And I will have that forever seared into my skin. It's a horrible part of me.

You are not a failure!!!! You've made it this far through your life. Do you have any idea how wrong it is for a parent to bury their child? It's not right. It's also not too late. Think. How many uni's are there out in the world?

I've just checked your profile, and you're in New Zealand, like me! Seriously, I'm going through so much at the moment, not like you, because we're all different, but I know that it helps to talk to someone, no matter how hard it is to get those first few words right. If you ever want to talk, just mention in your next blog post something about a lily, and I'll send you my email address, or something, really. Honestly, I'd love it if you want to talk to me. I don't know any more than you do about life. I'm still lost and trying to find my way. But sometimes, all we need is a friend to talk to. I'd love to be your friend. And I love the name Rachel, even though I know so many of them, haha. Rachel Rachel Rachel... Please understand that your soul is beautiful.

Don't think that I'm some perfect teen trying to rub it in your face, because I'm not. I went to a counselor for a short while, a few years back. I realised that she was calling my mother up and telling her EVERYTHING. I lost my faith then. If we all had super powers, mine would be invisibility, because I'm pretty much great at it right now. (Hence this 'anonymous' stuff. I'm too scared to post my identity. But if you really want to talk, just ask. Take your time. Think over it.)

I saw your photo. Your hair is BEAUTIFUL. What I would give for that hair. Honestly. Mine is long, boring, black, and my head gets cooked when the sun shines. Your skin is not terrible. I'd love some freckles. God's way of sprinkling his cup cakes, I call them. (:

Just think about what I said (or rambled) on here, okay? Don't harm yourself. Scars won't help. Instead, do something to distract yourself. Music, read, watch tv... whatever, just do it.

Hope you fine more reason to smile,
from a lily. (:

Anonymous said...

P.S. - If you're still having trouble with eczema, try DermAid Soft 0.5% Cream. It can be found at any Life Pharmacy store. (Also to prove that I'm in NZ too.)

I suffer from a few diseases (quite a lot actually) and eczema is a main one. I've tried so many different creams, but this one actually helps me. I hope you're okay. (:

From a lily. (:

JonasFreak said...

Dear Rachel,

I know I'm a stranger to you, and you're a stranger to me. This message may not mean anything to you because of that, and I totally understand. But sometimes, the best support you can get is from a total stranger who doesn't know you well enough to dislike any part of you. Every single stranger who posted a comment cares about you unlike anyone who actually knows you.
Just know that we're all here to support you through the ups and downs of life. Don't beat yourself up. I understand your reluctance about school. I feel the same way... Schools can sometimes cost your self esteem. I know it happened to me. But you know what, what's done is done. Keep moving forward, and if you work hard to show everyone that you can do anything if you put your mind to it, you'll feel a million times better about yourself!

We're all here for you. That's the most important thing and I know it'll all become better. :)

Tom Krieglstein said...

Tom from NYC sending you strength to rediscover the joy you have for life.

alliekeith said...

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.
- Chinese proverb

Tiffany said...

You are beautiful, amazing, special, precious, unique, fantastic, wonderful....and the list goes on and on!
You inspire me~
I am so glad to have stumbled upon your blog!!
Thinking of you and sending you a big hug!
~Tiffany

Genevra said...

Hello Rachel,

I don't know you, but I am so very struck by the way in which the comments in your blog echo my own experiences - particularly as a teenager and young adult.

As of today I am 37, and I would love to say all the sad, lonely, or negative thoughts are completely eradicated... but they are not. I think, for some of us, one of our greatest challenges in life is learning to acknowledge the pain we sometimes feel and find a way to keep going no matter what. Our measure of success: If we can make a positive and compassionate impact on the world around us, despite those darknesses we still sometimes carry. ;)

If I could share any advice from "twenty years ahead" - it would be this: Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. And always be patient.

The thing I regret the most when looking back is the time I wasted on cutting myself down. If only I had realized how capable I was! And you are doing so much more already! You're an incredible writer with an amazing heart and the courageous audacity of honesty. Not many people are willing to be so openly truthful. There is incredible power in your willingness to do so.

I hope hearing from so many people who are sending you love helps. I hope you can keep identifying true support around you and really trust those people to help you in times of distress. I hope you can find someone to talk to when times are very dark. And I hope you continue to write and share and reach out on the days you feel stuck or scared or in danger.

Hope is your greatest ally and greatest weapon.

I sincerely wish you happiness and love. Hang in there and hold tight to everything that gives you faith and strength. You are capable of change, of greatness, and of confidence. I believe in you.

kaleighsomers said...

Rachel, it's never too late. You're only 18 and have your whole life ahead of you. But the choices you make today about your health will affect your future. Look at this as a chance to start over and think differently. Think positively. Someone once told me it takes just as much energy to think positively as negatively, to be happy or sad, so why not choose happy?

Ty Sullivan said...

Rachel,
I am the same way sometimes. I tell people wonderful advise and at the end of the day I never hear my own words but I am getting better at it thanks to surrounding myself with positive people.
You know it's time to listen to your own positive words and heal any negative thoughts or feelings you have. It can be done. It just takes time :-) Your in my thoughts friend!
Best,
Ty

Anonymous said...

Hi Rachel,

I wish you all kinds of happiness...most of all, kindliness towards yourself. They don't tell you this in school, but everybody around you is just doing their best, is troubled by occasional doubts, is confused sometimes...and ouch, being 17 is just hard at times. You're in-between.

For me, I've been surprised that every decade is actually better than the one before. Stuff happens, but for the most part, I care SOOOOO much less what other people think of me.

Eleanor Roosevelt said that nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your consent. So don't agree to it...don't agree with anyone putting you down (ESPECIALLY yourself).

As you get older, you'll learn that there are infinite ways to "do" life...

And sometimes it helps to do/have the tiniest things that make you happy -- like the kitty, like watching a stupid silly YouTube video, like walking in mud or sand, like eating PopRocks. Humor is the greatest weapon we have against being blue or ordinary or picked on or bored.

I prescribe 15 minutes or more a day of silliness.

And I hug you like I would my own daughter, who's 16, who's also gone through some really dark times, times that seemed liked they'd never end...but they did and she's so strong an d happy now. It took time, and love, and work.

And love will find you. I have known all sorts of people who look all sorts of ways who have all sorts of personalities and all sorts of problems...who, nevertheless, have been found by someone who loves them dearly for who they are, NOT who they aren't!

Take care...lots of people want you to have all kinds of good things...and think you're worth it.

Ariel said...

Hey honey - I wouldnt try to claim I know exactly how you feel as we are all different and unique... but on and off I have real issues with the way I look, I have "ginger" hair and not conventionally attractive... what I want to say to you more than anything is, we grow into our faces, I am now 34 and hotter than I ever have been, I've learned which hairstyles suit best, and what makeup and how confidence grows in years and shines through... I am by no means beautiful, but people have told me I am, and cos im thin i look good in clothes and get a lot of people tell me im sexy/hot...

... part of me feels bad for picking up on teh looks thing, as looks dont/shouldnt matter, but I also know that they really do hehe

... mind you even if i hadnt made the most of myself there is scuh an infinite variety of people in the world there is also some who will think you are more pretty than you do... do you not have any crushes that maybe your friends say 'ewww how could you'? we all fancy different people for different reasons.

anyway, ive suffered from depression on and off in life, and know the seductiveness of not fighting and giving in to it, i practically lived in one tiny room for a year when i was 18... but over the years getting over hurt and learning to forgive others and even moreso myself, well I do get happier and happier... trite cliches do actually work hehe, but they take a while to work on... i do think about others less fortunate than me, i do list all the things i should be greatful for, i do see beauty in all the free stuff like nature that is around me, i do seek out good souls to be friends with who make me laugh and feel better about myself... life gets better and easier usually.

anyway ill shut up now, you are so very beautiful, so very articulate and caring and you are already amazing, but have the potential in you to light up the world honey you really do, go out and get them tiger! if you ever need to talk let me know via google or twitter or facebook, im arielpayit4ward on most of 'em... much much love and happy vibes your way!
Ariel xxx

Anonymous said...

Rachel, beautiful Rachel,
You are 10 times more beautiful than you will ever see, 10 times smarter than any test will ever show you, and 100 times more loved than you will ever know. Don't give up hope! You are strong even when you're weak. It's okay that you didn't get into a university. You will acheive your dreams no matter what. Tons of people wait a year and reapply when they feel stronger. And even if you never attend university, your life will be just as vibrant and meaningful as anyone else's. Look in the mirror at yourself. You are beautiful inside and out. I too have struggled with depression and know how hard it can be. 5 years later, I am still working through many things. Just remember to do "whatever it takes". And also remember "It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
Hang in there.

Brave said...

Rachel,
You have potential. You may not know it or even care for it, but its there. This probably sounds like a broken record this far down the list but it doesn't make it any less true. You are in no way worthless, you can do whatever you wish, and probably a few good hundred things after that.
-Brave

dfolkens said...

Don't forget that you have people all over this world that will be thinking/praying for you. Hang in there- over time everything gets easier. :)

Derrek said...

I cannot begin to fathom the strength that it takes to simply move after such a tragic loss, but you remain testament that the human race can overcome horribly immeasurable odds in its pursuit of happiness. There may be tough times in the present, and in the near future, but just know that you are part of this Human Condition, and we are all here with you; we are all here for you.

Love.

Jessie P. said...

I imagine a ton of young women have been where you are today... and many of them may have encouraging words for you. I have only seen someone I love go through what you are going through. It was heartbreaking when our family put the pieces together to find that my sister in law was down to 79 pounds and was at risk of heart failure if she ate too much. My husband and I spent weekends with her at a childrens hospital where she was monitored every minute. She said she felt like a prisoner.

Today, she is healthy. She is attending college, has a wonderful boyfriend, goals, and is even fair queen. She always uses her bad experience to really focus on the good that has come her way. I hope that in time you will be able to use the bad things in your life to find the good. Cling to the good and run with it. There is always a silver lining and a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark the cloud or how long the tunnel.

Holly Knitlightly said...

You are amazing. Seriously, check out all of these people who care about you. You are loved by people all over the world. You are an awesome chick. :)

Anonymous said...

Darling, you are BEAUTIFUL. And so loved. Keep holding on. It will get better. I was in your place, and I promise it does get better.

Robbin said...

Dear Sweet Rachel,

Sending you BIG LOVE to help you through this time. Close your eyes, open your heart, and let it sink in. All is well.

whyshifty said...

Rachel,

As you can see, many people, whether they know you or not, are showing you much love and support. This starts and ends with you. You have the power to make it on this journey and you have the power to quit. The question is, what will you do?

It obviously looks like you want to help yourself, so do it!! It's a lot of hard work to stay positive and have fun in life but you need to do it in order to stay sane. I've had experiences in this and I realize that the worse I act, the worse I feel... Your mind is way more powerful than you think and if you tell yourself that you're going to start acting more positive and be a more outgoing, fun person; so many more people will be uplifted and inspired by that. I know you said you wanted to be inspired but the only true satisfaction is when you inspire others; and you have the power to do just that!

It kinda sounds like you already do when you said, "Supposedly I give good advice". Regardless, you're a smart girl. A lot of these challenges in your life are up to you to defeat. I wish I could help in person because I know I could but I live in Milwaukee, WI so the distance thing wouldn't work.

I want to give you advice but here is not the place to do it. Look me up on Facebook if you want to talk and we'll message from there. If you truly want to get out of this, all you need to do is ask. My name is David St. Pierre.

Anonymous said...

You are beauty and you are love. You have the support and inspiration of the universe. Love yourself the way others do.

Hugs and kisses sweet lovely lady!

Miks said...

Dear Rachel:

You amaze me; truly you do. I have read your blog and you have such a incredible way of using your words and are not afraid to express your true feelings--I tip my hat to you. There have been a few posts that I can relate to and to me that means we are connected. I am thinking about you pretty girl, and sending all the positive vibes I have your way!! Keep on with your blog--you have an amazing amount of support and love here never forget that.
XOXOX

Anonymous said...

Yes, you do not know, and I do not know you. I know God though, and I know that he is always thinking about you, always loving you and he will always be there for you. He is waiting for you to call on him. Sometimes i know things happen in your life, that you have no control over, and you begin to feel lost, and stupid. I know i was there to, but all you can do it believe that what you went through, and are going through will someday give you the strength to help someone else who is in your situation. Whether it be tomorrow or ten years down the line. God loves you and he is always thinking about you, loving you and waiting for you to turn to him. You are a beautiful person, and remember that the pressure society puts on you to be beautiful or skinny, does not even come close to the person you are inside. True beauty comes from the inside, the stuff you can't put make up on the cover up. You are loved, and keep pushing, even when its hard, that is when you grow the most!

Caroline said...

Although it's hard to break that cycle and get motivated, you can do it. You can decide to fight and make your life better, how you want it to be. Think of how you'd like things to be, and then think about real steps to take towards accomplishing your goals, both short- and long-term. Best of luck and lots of love.

Debra said...

It really will get better. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you as are so many others. You can rise to your challenges. You are much much stronger than you think.

Secret Agent L said...

Rachel,

You are so beautiful.
You are so beautiful.
You are so beautiful.

You.
Are.
Irreplaceable.

Period.

And if I could, I would get on a plane, fly to you, wrap my arms around you, and not let go until you looked me in the eyes and said, "That feels better." And then I'd hug you some more.

Sending you so much love and love and love and love from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

xoxo,
Secret Agent L

Katya said...

Good Morning beautiful,
Every morning when I look in the mirror first thing, I say "good morning beautiful" to myself. I've been doing this since I was 14 (I'm 23), to help me through a very similar situation to the one you are going through. I've starved myself, medicated myself, hurt myself and, finally, come out the other side. Smiling. And now, when i look into that mirror and I say those words aloud, I actually believe them.
Please try it, if only for a month. Your state of mind is a mirror to your reality, and i want you to run happily headfirst into AMAZING things.

All my love,
Katya

Joelle said...

Dear Rachel,

I don't know what your life is like or where you are from, but I do know from my experiences that happiness is a choice. You are only what you believe about yourself. You are not ugly, you are not fat, or dumb. You are unique, an individual. You have your own talents, quirks, and emotions. No one is exactly like you, yet at the same time, we all share quite a lot. I have been depressed and I have felt sorry for myself, but the only one who made me feel that was myself. It wasn't until people who cared about me showed me that, number one, what people think about me doesn't matter unless I believe it, and two, that it is my choice to be happy and thankful for my life. You don't have to compare yourself to others or believe the lies that people tell you. You have the power to change what is inside your heart. I know it is cliche, but believe in yourself. You can make it through anything if you have the courage to embrace your fears and come to a place where you can love yourself. And for me, I couldn't love myself until I understood how much God loved me. I know that you have it in you to live a healthy life and allow God to heal your heart if you so choose to.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39

Jesus died on the cross so that you could be free - so you wouldn't have to live in depression or the bondage that entangles so many lives.

I'm praying for you.

Know that you are loved and that you matter. It all starts with your mind and perception of yourself. The internal affects the external. And when the internal is healthy, the external with flourish with beauty and confidence. :-)

Rose said...

Hi Rachel,

I just wanted to let you know that you are an amazing, beautiful woman.

I was a ballet dancer for many years and struggled with eating -- working out excessively and eating a mere 300 ca. a day. And I hated myself for many many years.

And you know, I can't say that I've completely gotten over it. In fact, today I haven't eaten yet.

But I wanted to tell you that sometimes it's really hard because you think you're alone -- that no one knows what you're going through, that no one understands the sometimes neurotic thoughts that just pop into your head from seemingly no where -- and I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone.

And that you are not a bad person or messed up or broken because you have any of those thoughts or feelings.

I believe that in every phase of our life, we draw ourselves toward certain experiences because we need to learn something. And sometimes it takes a really long time to figure out what that is.

For me, being in ballet, and struggling with disordered eating taught me that it doesn't matter what my skin looks like or how much of it that I have -- it's really, really what's inside me.

I found inside me that there is a beautiful woman who is loving and kind and passionate and wants to make a difference in this world.

And I am certain that as you peel back the layers in your own life you are going to find the same beautiful, loving, compassionate, caring, amazing, talented, passionate woman, too.

And I just wanted to say I'm excited for the day when you see yourself as that woman.

We are rooting for you and here for you. :)

Tom Hanson said...

Hey Rachel,

There are so many people that believe in you, you don't even know them yet. reach out and find them they are here. you are loved for who you are and what you will become, it's up to you, choose what right, you do know what's right..

my thoughts and prayers are with you...

linda said...

Rachel, sharing your thoughts and story is such a beautiful gift you give us. you may be helping out another 17 year old doing going through the same thoughts and feelings. You are beautiful. You are more than enough. I'm wishing you well. Don't forget to marvel in the tiny small joyful things in life (like the ability to take a deep breath or feel grass under your feet!)

Christina said...

I know times are tough but there is always a better day. Things will get better for you! Your beautiful, your very loved, you have an amazing joy to those around you and in your life. keep going forward in life even when you think your alone your not! Someone is always here! *HUGS*

Anonymous said...

Know that you are loved by so many Rachel. You are a beautiful person stay strong and hang in there. Love.

Nancy said...

Sometimes everything is just crappy, and it doesn't seem like anything will ever get better. But give it a little time, and things WILL get better (no, not perfect, because we will never reach perfection....but we can have some fun trying to get there!!). In the meantime, know that you are loved by EVERYONE who posted here. We ALL know you are a beautiful, wonderful person, who deserves to give herself a break, and allow the tough times to roll into the good times. Now you need to believe it, too!!
You are loved!!
You are loved!!
You are loved!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I actually think you're the most amazing person I have ever met.

Karencilla said...

Hi there!
It takes a lot to put your feelings here, sharing your deepest fears with complete strangers. I admire that.
Believe me, things will be alright.

Hugs.

Anonymous said...

You are beautiful. Don't you dare let anyone take that away from you.

Anonymous said...

Rachel, you are such a gorgeous human being, and no matter what happens, you always will be. I can't wait for the day when you fully realize this, and I send you all the love in the world. :-) Best wishes and cyberhugs!

Melissa said...

Rachel.
You are everything you think you aren't.
You are an AMAZING human, that deserves every bit of love and life thrown your way.
You deserve more than you think.
From one eating disordered girl to another: you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. School isn't life. You are wonderful and I wouldn't take you any other way than you are right at this moment. Fat failure or not.
By the way, YOU ARE NOT FAT.
Every time you feel lonely, and desperate, and unmotivated- know that I believe in you.
I will be reading your blog. every post my eyes will have touched.
and know, that i think you are wonderful and valuable- even in your moments of weakness.
If you need ANYTHING- feel free to shoot me an email.
bougiemelissa@gmail.com.

Anonymous said...

Rachel, I don't know you, but I do know the feelings you're experiencing. I emigrated from England to Australia at 15, then left everything in Australia when I got married and moved to America when I was in my 30s. The deal is that life kicks you in the arse every now and then, but the world is such a beautiful, amazing place that you're lucky to be part of it. Don't worry about the naysayers and those that love the negativity, you're a fantastic, valuable, wonderful asset to the planet. Believe in yourself because it's clear that there are a ton of people who believe in you! :)

Anonymous said...

Keep talking to people. You'll find someone who "gets you" Lean on them when you have to. If I know one thing it's that everyone is good at something. And I'm guessing you already know what that thing is. Embrace it.

me

Peridot (G+P) said...

- You>Alcohol. You're too awesome to keep THAT shit up for long. Save the money and buy yourself something awesome!
- I have social anxiety
- School is a way to pass the time until you're "old enough" to follow your destiny!
- You're gorgeous!
- You're NOT FAT!
- Siblings are awesome, you'll find the courage someday.
- Find something that makes you smile. Look at it, smile, rinse and repeat. It helps sometimes.
- I have recurring thoughts tackle-hugging you :)
- You are stronger than the "disordered eating behaviours", you can beat them!

Quinn says she loves you and can't comment coz her internet is being a piece of shit. She send lots of love and e-hugs via randoms (Like moi!)

DON'T GIVE UP! You are NOT fat, you are NOT a failure. Don't give up on yourself. I sure as shit won't give up on you. Keep fighting, keep living, keep being your wonderful self. If you have a bad day, forgive yourself and get up again. It's the hardest thing in the world to do, but it gets easier each time. I promise you.

Arohanui <3

mandyrtaylor said...

Rachel... you are a beautiful, thoughtful, self-aware girl of incredible depth and value. I can see this just from the words you write on this blog... most girls your age you see as so 'perfect' aren't thinking about much besides where the best sales are or which hot guy to go for. Trust me sweetie, at 27 I still have so many days where I look at my life and say what the hell am I DOING? Days when I sit in MY pajamas eating ice cream and wasting the day away on the internet, even though I know I'll beat myself up later for not working out and washing the car and doing some writing and making those phone calls that need to get made. That's life, and that is ALL of us. My heart aches for you... I wish I could climb through the screen and come give you a gigantic hug. You have so many years of growth and experience ahead of you--and you may not see it now, but the pain you've suffered will help bring peace to so many who will cross your path in the future, feeling alone and like no one understands. When it comes down to it... perfect people are boring. I have no interest in being one of them, hanging out with them, or what they have to say--I hope someday soon you'll feel the same. You are perfectly imperfect just how you are, right now, today. Much love to you, girly. Stay strong!!!

Anonymous said...

The biggest obstacle every one has is themselves. And I know it isn't easy to change the way you see yourself, but I believe in you. You are beautiful. You are enough. You can do what you whatever it is you want.

Life is hard, don't let it knock you down.

Anonymous said...

You already have an incredible support system building right here on your blog! That means somebody [more than just one somebody] cares about you and is looking out for you. Even if you can't put a face on these names, just know that you are somebody important. I have felt the same sort of pains that you have felt, but faced the day by finding the good in the little things.. anything to get me up and going. Whether it was going to the pet store to play with puppies or just marveling at the beautiful weather. You can do this. You can do anything. You just need to believe that you can.

.. because we all believe you can.

Jennifer said...

Rachel, I BELIEVE IN YOU! I believe that you are a beautiful person who has SO MUCH to offer this world. There is no box of 'backup you's' anywhere. You are it! And if you aren't you, then we don't get you, and the world misses out. You offer a gift to everyone that no one else can bring. Don't underestimate yourself, and don't hold yourself back. Things will get better! =)

Anonymous said...

You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do it.
I want to tell you 1000 times.

Cassie said...

"Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure."
-Kal Menninger

"There are no classes in life for beginners: right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult."
-Rainer Maria Rilke

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
-Helen Keller

Anonymous said...

Hi Rachel,
Even though things might look down now, never lose hope or belief in yourself- you're put on this earth with a greater purpose even if you can't see this yourself right now. every single little positive action you do has such great repercussions in this world :)

and with regards to uni, well never doubt yourself, since 'failure' isn't always what it seems... i hope you can gain inspiration in this:
http://www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure.html

it's one of my favourites. and i hope u manage to find some humour in your life, at all the little nooks and crannies, do try to seek it out- every little laughter will really lighten your mood :) and never be afraid to ask for help, you'd be surprised how many people do care

love yourself and your potential :)

Jim K said...

Rachel,
If you haven't noticed, you have so much love being thrown your way. I don't know you and I can't pretend to know what you are going through, but I can make these observations:

1. You ARE beautiful - great eyes and freckles rock (one of my daughters has them)

2. You are extremely brave for pouring your soul out for the world to see. That says alot about your confidence potential.

3. You have MAD writing skills - love the way you write and HOW you write. Great comments & responses. Perhaps a career somehow in writing could be in your future.

4. You have an "Army of Giants" holding you up. Take a look at how many people care about you.

I hope that you can reach down inside and visualize a life and a future just days, months, perhaps a few years away that will feel dramatically different than they do right now. We love you.

K.T. said...

I've been where you are, and I can promise you that things CAN get better. It's not fast and it's not easy, but you have the love of those around you and the love of people who have never even met you. Not only that, but you have gifts and talents by the truckload, whether you know of them or not (you're clearly an amazing writer, for starters!).

It's horribly painful when you can't find any love for yourself, I know. So I'm asking you to trust that, even if you can't love yourself right now, that there ARE people in the world who do love you, and to take good care of yourself so that you can find the strength to keep going until you find the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's going to be okay. Swear.

Much, much love.

Lori B. said...

I could tell you you're beautiful (because I think you are) but that's something that you need to discover for yourself. If you're interested in that, I would suggest taking an inventory of the things you're good at. I'll help you start...you're good at writing, you're good at expressing your feelings, you're good at blogging, by your own admission, you mentioned you are good at giving advice, and I'm assuming you're good at Pentanque (otherwise you wouldn't overcome your social anxiety to go do it). I'm sure there are a WHOLE lot more things that you're good at BUT it's going to be difficult for you to see them if you're focused on all that is bad in your life.

It might also be helpful to adjust your focus toward others instead of inward. If you're interested, you might want to join the http://itstartswith.us team. I'm sure you'd be great at it. You are good with writing and expressing feelings.

I want to encourage you to discover the GOOD things about yourself. That's what will help to carry you through. (and WRITE them down - and read them as often as you need to) They are there...keep looking until you find them.

Anonymous said...

Hi Rachel,

My name is Rachel too. I'm 18 years old and you are 17 correct? I know how it feels to feel alone, scared, self-conscience, and unsure. I just wanted to let you know that you are never alone. I encourage you to reach out to people who care about you. That is what helped me get though my hard times. Also: Take time to love yourself every day. We all love you so much.

-Rachel

Anonymous said...

Hi Rachel,

I know you said Anonymous posts freak you out, but I'm not a family member, don't worry. You don't know me, but just from reading your blog, I know that you are beautiful, talented, wonderful, special, and loved. In the midst of pain and struggle and loss, I know that it is extremely hard to find joy in life and know that you are so special. So that's why I'm reminding you, and so are all of these other people who have posted on here. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, Rachel. I know that words from a stranger can't heal your hurt, but just know that you are very cared for. And I am praying for that hurt in you to heal and be turned into something beautiful. God has this way of taking our brokenness and transforming it.

You are never alone, and you are always loved.

Lana R. said...

dear friend, who are you? let's ask Jesus. "you are altogether beautiful my love; there is no flaw in you." (from song of soloman 4:7). he loves you so much, and he'll never ever leave you. i know you are probably hurting inside but please don't hurt yourself. you are incredibly talented, you're strong, you're going to change this world. <3

Miss Lissy said...

I want you to know that you are beautiful and you are not a failure. We all feel like that sometimes, but it does not make it true. I want you to know that you are never alone and if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I just turned 20 (today actually) and so I know where you're at in your life and how much of a hard time it can be.
mkzellmer@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

You are beautiful.

Laura said...

Rachel, no matter what the world around you or the voices within you tell you, you ARE beautiful. You're amazingly talented with words and such an intelligent individual.
I don't know you, but I reckon you have what it takes to ace your final year and get into whatever course you'd like. :)
I'm 15 years old and I've been through a tad of the eating disorder and social anxiety thing myself, and seeing someone like you, and how you're getting through it, I really look up to and admire that.
God really loves you for who you are, remember that. If you wanna chat, email me on: laura_tyler_95@hotmail.com

Sending lots of love and prayer your way. <3

Anastasia said...

The hardest thing is getting up and starting your day. Just do it, I promise you'll feel better. And there's no such thing as all my fault.

Anonymous said...

This is such a time for you, rachel, and you are in my prayers. From personal experience, here is the best practical advice I can offer you.

1. Follow your joy (from your blog, this sounds like petanque!)

2. Drop the alcohol - it's a depressant

3. Keep a gratitude journal

4. Do one kind thing every day for yourself, and one kind thing for a stranger

5. Get involved in service of some sort of service for others
eg. charity work, tutoring/ coaching disadvantaged kids, fundraising, visiting a nursing home etc. People with social anxiety are very self conscious; Focusing on others can really help. You will also see how useful and valuable you really are, and it will help you to build a confidence that's not based on the way you look

6. Talk to your doctor about maybe starting on an antidepressant (I'm sure a lot of people will have something to say about this one, but the truth is that it can be really helpful during the tough times)

Rachel, you're a gorgeous girl and you will get through this. I'm wishing you all the best

Ceanne said...

Rachel,

Here's another person providing you with LOVE BOMB. I haven't read through the other posts and what I'm saying here has probably been repeated over and over but...I really feel for your story and wish to share some love. So here goes...

First, I can completely understand how you feel about yourself because when I was 17 I also felt a lot of the same things you have written about. I did not think I was pretty, worthwhile, beautiful in any way. I am now 45 years old and I often look back on those pictures of myself then and think "if only I knew how great I really was" "if only I knew how much the world would open up for me if I only believed in myself". I don't know if I could really get my 17 year old self to understand just how much she is worth--could I hug it into her? tell her over and over until she just had to believe??? I don't know. The only thing I know is that I really wish I knew better when I was 17 because I really think it would have made my life a lot easier than it has been. Don't get me wrong, I've had a great life, but I sometimes wish I could have learned the great lessons I've learned about myself so much earlier. Perhap's I wouldn't have spent years:
- drinking too much - and waking up with horrible hangovers that only made me feel worse about myself
- sleeping around - that's what they called it in my day ;o) - with guys that could really care less for me. But I somehow, foolishly, that would find me love...
- emotional problems - lots of counselling (thankfully)
- eating too much and gaining a LOT of weight

Please, Rachel, know that you are perfect just the way your are!!! Don't pay attention to what we have been taught by the media is "perfect" because that perfection is FAKE!! And you are not fake, you are soooo real and that is wonderful!!!

Secondly, I can't tell you how much I feel for you losing your father at the age of 17. I lost my father when I was 37 and that just about broke me in half. But I learned so much about myself because of that. I realized that, for me, it was time to grow up and trust in myself more and quit relying on my parents to prop me up. I finally realized that I was strong, capable, and worthy of so much more. This didn't just happen because of my father's passing--it had been year's in the making, but when my father passed, it kind of fell into place what I needed to do.

I know that you don't know me or me you, but...I feel that I really understand a lot of what you're saying and want you to know that love is out in the world. We're all swimming in it. All we have to do is look for it. It's there!!!

All my love!

Because I need to know now said...

Dear, dear Rachel, The only good thing I can say about pain in life, is that it teaches us to be aware of other people's pain and that is the beginning of compassion. Compassion means "feeling together". When you are aware of someone else's pain, For example, something happens to someone and you can say, "Wow! I know how that feels..." then that person can sometimes start to feel better, because they do not feel like they are alone and the only person in the world who has this problem. When people come together like this, then they really are living the best part of being human.

There is a plan for your life! Always is! In my life I found that people tend to treat you how you treat yourself....so be good to yourself and it will bring out better responses from others around you! Don't push yourself; relax, and take your time and you find yourself. It is a journey and an exploration. Hint: Maybe, you came here out of love and a desire to help, starting in little ways every day!

Anonymous said...

No matter how tough things get, God has a plan for you and will take care of you. "All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28. Read Psalm 23 in the Bible for a little more uplifting to know that no matter how bad you think things are, God will guide you and protect - with God all things are possible!

CV said...

Dear Rachel,

You are beautiful just the way you are. I know you can do it - I know you can put a smile in your face, increase your confidence, believe in yourself, and eventually (sooner than you think) look in the mirror and smile, be proud of who you are!

I believe in you! Everything will be alright!

Love,
Carol

amylouwho said...

I don't know if I can say anything that hasn't already been said. I agree, you are here for a purpose. You are a daughter of God, and HE loves you. Pray to know that. He will comfort you. xoxo

Anonymous said...

You are beautiful.
You are sweet.
I havn't met you but you seem like such a wonderfull girl.
After rain comes sunshine. So true.
When nothing feels right and it feels like nothings good anymore, then (even though it can be really hard) look at the bright side. There's no other way then a better way. It will all be alright. So you got to hold on! You seem like such a strong, amazing girl and I just feel that you can do it.
It's possible.
I belive in you<3

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Rachel. I know how it feels to grow up amidst depression, anxiety and eating problems. I never thought I'd see a light at the end of the tunnel but here I am, 10 years later and feeling better than I ever have in my life. And you will too, you just have to hold on.

You are absolutely lovely and you should know that. Stop zzooming in on the "flaws" and take a look at the whole picture: beautiful.

Love,
Candace

Anonymous said...

:) You can do it. We're all here for you.

Anonymous said...

Rachel,

I know it might be overwhelming to get so many comments from people you don't really know. You say you need someone you admire to help, and inspire you.
But what's even better than that is having people that admire YOU telling you how strong you are.

Just know that any positive effort you make, it counts. I get really anxious in social situations, and my face will get hot and red, and I'll just want to hide. But I've been taking baby steps...going to the grocery store alone (I HATED having to interact with the cashier), telling myself there is no real threat. And that while my family might say "just get over it", it takes more than that. It might seem hard, but that's a matter of perspective.

<3 Kristin
CA, United States

Luci said...

You're a wonderful person, and I know you've got a lot going on, but hang in there girl. We're all rooting for you <3

Anonymous said...

I often woke up as a teenager, disappointed that I didn't die during the night (didn't attempt suicide, but hoped something weird would happen and I would die in my sleep).hated school, didn't fit in with my family. Found college to be totally different, fun! and I eventually found creative outcasts like myself and fit in!Yay!It will happen.Some bad things will happen too.But each time you fall off the bike, you learn how to handle the bike better, and you will someday teach someone else how to ride a bike. Love!!!

M.E. said...

Hey Girl, I wish I was your teacher (I am a teacher) because I would tell you how amazing it is to have a student like you! I find it absolutely awesome that you have a blog...I've been wanting to start one, but well, don't know how! Being a 17 year old girl is the greatest thing there is! I am now a 48 yr old woman, so I know what I'm talking about! When I was a teen I always worried about what other people (especially other girls) thought of me and I was always so hard on myself...wish I could go back and change that! Don't make that mistake Rachel, don't waste your time making yourself your worst enemy. I'm sorry to hear about your father. Sending you positive vibes and big hug!

M.E. said...

Oops, forgot one more thing...PLEASE read the book "Embraced By The Light" by Betty Eadie! It is amazing and really helped me deal with my father's death. This book can change your life! REALLY!

Anonymous said...

Dear Rachel: There are BEAUTIFUL comments above - believe them all, especially "You are Enough." God bless you, and remember you are where you're supposed to be at any given time! Keep writing!

Anonymous said...

VERY BEAUTIFUL RACHEL! yes, you're very beautiful! and not just because the way you look...being sensitive and honest makes even more beautiful! You are also very smart and because of this, I'm sure you'll appreciate everything is written here just for you! You're NOT alone and everyone has blue but also very bright days...We all have challenges and also strengths..
We all face different situations, but...we can learn form them and keep moving! I do wish you all the best and send you my healing energy...use it anytime you like! huge hug for you!!!!

K said...

Rachel, you are not alone. Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They’re lonely. They’re missing somebody. They have secrets you wouldn’t believe. They wish and they dream and they hope, and they look out the window whenever they’re in the car or on a bus or a train and they watch the people on the streets and wonder what they’ve been through. They wonder if there are people out there like them.

They’re like you, and you could tell them everything and they would understand.

And right now, they’re sitting here reading your words, and I’m writing this for you so you don’t feel alone anymore.

You are loved. You are young. Life has only just begun. Happiness is waiting for you.

We love you, Rachel!

Carrie said...

Oo Rachel- you are beautiful! I hope you find some inspiration. Hang in there sweets.

netminnow said...

Darling Rachel,
There are so many wonderful things inside the wonder of you that are still teeny tiny microspheres of miracles because you are still growing and forming and learning. So many of us felt exactly the way you do now, 10 years ago,20 years ago, me?35 years ago. I really wished I didn't have to be me living my life THEN, and though I wouldn't want to repeat it, I wouldn't trade the challenges and pain of it away; just so I can be the me I am now. Your blog has gifted me, please let me gift you with this:

I unconditionally accept myself, with or without my problems. Then because it is to my advantage, I work steadily to overcome them.

Just whisper it to yourself anytime you need it and it will be like your fairy godmother always there for you to grant you what ever dreams and wishes you want for your powerful life. Beams of Love and Light to you,(both are beyond the limits of time) Ruth

Alaina McNeal said...

Dear Rachel,

You are a strong, beautiful, important person. Never forget that. People care about you, people love you. You'll get through this. It takes time and work, but you will. Put your mind to it and you can do anything in this world.

I wish you the best in life & I know you can do it.
<3

Helen said...

Hey Rachel,
I won't tell you you aren't fat - I've never seen you. I won't tell you you aren't beautiful - I've never talked to you. But I can tell you that I've met people who didn't look beautiful at first, but after talking to them for just a few minutes, I got absolutely charmed! And I swear you can hear about it from others as well. Your beauty is something you cannot always see in a mirror. And vice versa, that what may seem beautiful, in just a few minutes may show you all its ugliness. Believe it or not, it's true. I remember very well myself being at your age. Nobody never told me I was cute or did something good. My parents didn't do it ever. I see you're in somewhat alike situation. But why waiting for it from them - if they haven't done it until now, they probably won't do it in the nearest future. I understand it may be important for you, but just stop focusing on it, it's not as important as you think. As long as you don't believe in yourself, nobody in fact can cheer you up enough to make you keep going. Don't sit and wait. If you find something that is important for you, something you can improve or someone you can help maybe, if you start caring about something more than your own body, you may find a huge wonderful world and new people who will see your beauty, and they won't lie to you about it. Our living makes us beautiful to others. Interact with others, care about something or someone, start giving your energy, care, time, and the Universe will give all the best of it back at ya! Believe me! We're becoming rich only through giving, and probably we become beautiful when we stop caring about how we look. (I'm not saying not to take care of yourself here, of course:) just don't focuse on it:) You'll see, when you start giving and caring you'll feel much more confident about yourself, you'll attract people into your life, and you will feel way better about yourself and everything around you:) Just give it a try, but don't sit and wait please, it won't work!:) A 1000 people may say you're beautiful but still it may not change anything a bit, because your world starts with your own beliefs, they form it:)
And one more thing.. Men see us totally different. You, being Scoprio, have a big advantage as Scorpio women are natural born charmers. They have that hidden sexual attraction that men cannot resist. And.. I never liked my own body. Only my husband changed my perception of it. There are a lot of men (I believe, the majority of them) that actually like somewhat fat women. Most of them don't like "skinny bitches" at all:)))
The funny thing is that probably in a couple of years you'll remember this period of your life and laugh:)
I'm wishing you all the best! There is a great charming warrior sleeping in you! Wake it up and set it free! you will never regret!;)

Helen said...

Hey Rachel,
I won't tell you you aren't fat - I've never seen you. I won't tell you you aren't beautiful - I've never talked to you. But I can tell you that I've met people who didn't look beautiful at first, but after talking to them for just a few minutes, I got absolutely charmed! And I swear you can hear about it from others as well. Your beauty is something you cannot always see in a mirror. And vice versa, that what may seem beautiful, in just a few minutes may show you all its ugliness. Believe it or not, it's true. I remember very well myself being at your age. Nobody never told me I was cute or did something good. My parents didn't do it ever. I see you're in somewhat alike situation. But why waiting for it from them - if they haven't done it until now, they probably won't do it in the nearest future. I understand it may be important for you, but just stop focusing on it, it's not as important as you think. As long as you don't believe in yourself, nobody in fact can cheer you up enough to make you keep going. Don't sit and wait. If you find something that is important for you, something you can improve or someone you can help maybe, if you start caring about something more than your own body, you may find a huge wonderful world and new people who will see your beauty, and they won't lie to you about it. Our living makes us beautiful to others. Interact with others, care about something or someone, start giving your energy, care, time, and the Universe will give all the best of it back at ya! Believe me! We're becoming rich only through giving, and probably we become beautiful when we stop caring about how we look. (I'm not saying not to take care of yourself here, of course:) just don't focuse on it:) You'll see, when you start giving and caring you'll feel much more confident about yourself, you'll attract people into your life, and you will feel way better about yourself and everything around you:) Just give it a try, but don't sit and wait please, it won't work!:) A 1000 people may say you're beautiful but still it may not change anything a bit, because your world starts with your own beliefs, they form it:)
And one more thing.. Men see us totally different. You, being Scoprio, have a big advantage as Scorpio women are natural born charmers. They have that hidden sexual attraction that men cannot resist. And.. I never liked my own body. Only my husband changed my perception of it. There are a lot of men (I believe, the majority of them) that actually like somewhat fat women. Most of them don't like "skinny bitches" at all:)))
The funny thing is that probably in a couple of years you'll remember this period of your life and laugh:)
I'm wishing you all the best! There is a great charming warrior sleeping in you! Wake it up and set it free! you will never regret!;)

Anonymous said...

Hey Rachel,
I won't tell you you aren't fat - I've never seen you. I won't tell you you aren't beautiful - I've never talked to you. But I can tell you that I've met people who didn't look beautiful at first, but after talking to them for just a few minutes, I got absolutely charmed! And I swear you can hear about it from others as well. Your beauty is something you cannot always see in a mirror. And vice versa, that what may seem beautiful, in just a few minutes may show you all its ugliness. Believe it or not, it's true. I remember very well myself being at your age. Nobody never told me I was cute or did something good. My parents didn't do it ever. I see you're in somewhat alike situation. But why waiting for it from them - if they haven't done it until now, they probably won't do it in the nearest future. I understand it may be important for you, but just stop focusing on it, it's not as important as you think. As long as you don't believe in yourself, nobody in fact can cheer you up enough to make you keep going. Don't sit and wait. If you find something that is important for you, something you can improve or someone you can help maybe, if you start caring about something more than your own body, you may find a huge wonderful world and new people who will see your beauty, and they won't lie to you about it. Our living makes us beautiful to others. Interact with others, care about something or someone, start giving your energy, care, time, and the Universe will give all the best of it back at ya! Believe me! We're becoming rich only through giving, and probably we become beautiful when we stop caring about how we look. (I'm not saying not to take care of yourself here, of course:) just don't focuse on it:) You'll see, when you start giving and caring you'll feel much more confident about yourself, you'll attract people into your life, and you will feel way better about yourself and everything around you:) Just give it a try, but don't sit and wait please, it won't work!:) A 1000 people may say you're beautiful but still it may not change anything a bit, because your world starts with your own beliefs, they form it:)
And one more thing.. Men see us totally different. You, being Scoprio, have a big advantage as Scorpio women are natural born charmers. They have that hidden sexual attraction that men cannot resist. And.. I never liked my own body. Only my husband changed my perception of it. There are a lot of men (I believe, the majority of them) that actually like somewhat fat women. Most of them don't like "skinny bitches" at all:)))
The funny thing is that probably in a couple of years you'll remember this period of your life and laugh:)
I'm wishing you all the best! There is a great charming warrior sleeping in you! Wake it up and set it free! you will never regret!;)

Helen said...

Hey Rachel,
I won't tell you you aren't fat - I've never seen you. I won't tell you you aren't beautiful - I've never talked to you. But I can tell you that I've met people who didn't look beautiful at first, but after talking to them for just a few minutes, I got absolutely charmed! And I swear you can hear about it from others as well. Your beauty is something you cannot always see in a mirror. And vice versa, that what may seem beautiful, in just a few minutes may show you all its ugliness. Believe it or not, it's true. I remember very well myself being at your age. Nobody never told me I was cute or did something good. My parents didn't do it ever. I see you're in somewhat alike situation. But why waiting for it from them - if they haven't done it until now, they probably won't do it in the nearest future. I understand it may be important for you, but just stop focusing on it, it's not as important as you think. As long as you don't believe in yourself, nobody in fact can cheer you up enough to make you keep going. Don't sit and wait. If you find something that is important for you, something you can improve or someone you can help maybe, if you start caring about something more than your own body, you may find a huge wonderful world and new people who will see your beauty, and they won't lie to you about it. Our living makes us beautiful to others. Interact with others, care about something or someone, start giving your energy, care, time, and the Universe will give all the best of it back at ya! Believe me! We're becoming rich only through giving, and probably we become beautiful when we stop caring about how we look. (I'm not saying not to take care of yourself here, of course:) just don't focuse on it:) You'll see, when you start giving and caring you'll feel much more confident about yourself, you'll attract people into your life, and you will feel way better about yourself and everything around you:) Just give it a try, but don't sit and wait please, it won't work!:) A 1000 people may say you're beautiful but still it may not change anything a bit, because your world starts with your own beliefs, they form it:)
And one more thing.. Men see us totally different. You, being Scoprio, have a big advantage as Scorpio women are natural born charmers. They have that hidden sexual attraction that men cannot resist. And.. I never liked my own body. Only my husband changed my perception of it. There are a lot of men (I believe, the majority of them) that actually like somewhat fat women. Most of them don't like "skinny bitches" at all:)))
The funny thing is that probably in a couple of years you'll remember this period of your life and laugh:)
I'm wishing you all the best! There is a great charming warrior sleeping in you! Wake it up and set it free! you will never regret!;)

Anonymous said...

Rachel,
I think you are a wonderful, amazing, and brave individual.
Always remember that God loves you!

Lola said...

You're beautiful! You're not fat at all! All you have to do is see it. But it's hard. Of course it is. But YOU can DO it! You can! I believe in you.

Sandy said...

Rachel,

You are not fat or a failure. Don't give in to what others think about you. Be strong and look in the mirror each and everyday and smile and say I'm beautiful and I'm worth something or I wouldn't be here. You are worth something, you have a purpose, you're here for a reason. You are here to touch a life and you will find that purpose. I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers.

Callah said...

Dear Rachel, you are truely beautiful and inspiring in a way. To be so honest, is an inspiration in this world. I know it's hard, I'm your age and high school's the worst. They say those years are the hardest years, and that it's not so hard when you leave. I'm hoping that's true, and we can get through these last years together. As for modivation, I completely understand you on that. I currently still have two summer projects to finish and 5 days to do them. :/ But it's something you learn eventually to just do it. Comeon, let's go nike. ;) JUST DO IT. but seriously, you feel so accomplished once you finish a job that's been weighing on you. Pick a small task, maybe just laundry or something, and completely finish it, put everything back in your drawers type of finish, and you'll feel a little bit better. Atleast, that's how I am.
I'm also so sorry about your loss, I can't give you any stories of experience, but I know it must be hard, just remember that you have a whole world out there of people who will help you and talk to you, including me.
As for beauty, it really is true that it's the inside that counts. Just remember that every woman has things that aren't what she wants them to be on her, but you have to lose that "I'm not good enough" way of thinking. You can't compare yourself to supermodels and people who you think are prettier. They don't have the unique "you" factor. They could never EVER be who you are. You have a talent, and you will find it.
And honey, believe me. You have a soul mate out there waiting for you. Find your passion and follow it, and God will lead you as long as you are doing good in the world. Help others often, and you will be rewarded.

Remember: Be everything that you are, right down to the core of you.

With love, Callah. <3

Anonymous said...

Getting here late, I have been reading Marianne Williamson here's a quote: "You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." Let your own light shine, it is something I struggle with too.

Flora said...

Everything is going to be alright my darling. I speak from experience ♡ you are not alone.

Robin Pearson said...

Hi Rachel,

When I read your post, it vividly brought back memories of when I was in my teens and early 20's, and I was so deeply discouraged and unmotivated in those days. I felt like such a total loser, and I truly despised myself. I used to consider ending my life, but I knew that would be hurtful to people who knew me, so fortunately I am still alive today. And I am always amazed to see how good life has turned out to be after all. It has been a long, hard journey with plenty of pitfalls and unfortunate detours, but through it all I've learned a lot about what works for me and what doesn't, so thankfully I'm very happy now.

If only my younger self could have looked into the future, I would have felt so much better about myself and my life, and it would have eased the terrible pain. I don't have a time machine to go back to my past self and reassure her. But today I hope I can reassure you - if your past has been hard, and the present is painful, your future can still be awesome. And I can tell from your writing that you are a sensitive, intelligent person who will surely find the way to the joy that awaits you. You can even savor hints of that good destiny in each day now, as the passing time and everything you do brings you closer to discovering and fulfilling your true purpose. And when you find yourself astonished by the good fortune of being happily alive, you will encourage someone else who needs hope.

Mipake said...

My favorite quote:
"I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul."

My other fav:
"The only thing that remains after your death is the consequences of your actions."

So right now, you should ask yourself, "What have I done?"

Amazed? Content? Disappointed? Saddened?

Don't be. Just know that your life is entirely up to you. You are the one who could do such great in the world that people will know your name for ages to come... And yet you could be the one who doesn't act on their dreams and dies regretful.

I'm sorry if I seem abrupt, but YOU have to make the decision RIGHT NOW to do good and do your best. No amount of comfort and consoling (while unbelievably comforting) will bring you out of what you need to do yourself.

MAKE THE DECISION.

amberlcleveland said...

Rachel,

When you feel like you can't make yourself go to school or do the things you need to do, simply start by getting dressed, go out the door, put one foot in front of the other, and do it. I know it sounds simple, but sometimes managing the smaller tasks makes it easier.

Just when you think something is impossible, just think about all of the support, encouragement and love that you have here...see it as an invisible force that can support you. Let us carry the negative feelings that you are having so that you feel free to soar, to be the wonderful person you are. We're all here, can you feel the support? It's tangible...

Best - everyday,

Amber

Amber Cleveland said...

Rachel,

When you feel like you can't make yourself go to school or do the things you need to do, simply start by getting dressed, go out the door, put one foot in front of the other, and do it. I know it sounds simple, but sometimes managing the smaller tasks makes it easier.

Just when you think something is impossible, just think about all of the support, encouragement and love that you have here...see it as an invisible force that can support you. Let us carry the negative feelings that you are having so that you feel free to soar, to be the wonderful person you are. We're all here, can you feel the support? It's tangible...

Best - everyday,

Amber

Anonymous said...

Hi Rachel! I've been in a very similar place as you are right now. Doubting yourself in every aspect and thinking things will never get better. I realize everyone says this but it will. You might think you're completely alone out there and no one cares but obviously people do. Just look at these comments and know that we are all here for you.
Please don't forget that we are all beautiful. All shapes and forms, hair colors, clothes, everything. I've struggled with body issues and eating disorders and I know that you're striving to be what you think you should be. But you really don't. I've learned to be happy with my body and accept it for what it is.
And darling, I say get a haircut. Do something for yourself and request the stylist that gives the best head massages when you get it washed :) It'll be worth it.
Rachel we're all here for you and love you. Please know that you are beautiful. We wouldn't be saying it if it weren't true.

Anonymous said...

I wish I knew you better so I could list all the things that are great about you. But since I don't, I'll just say OF COURSE YOU CAN DO IT, and yes everything IS going to be okay. And the day you figure everything out, and you're 100% fine with how things are, there'll be plenty around to be inspired and and encouraged by your light. You'll be beaming :-)

Aayushi Mehta said...

It's not too late, It's not. It can't be.
There's something so special about you, you just need to find it. once you do, everyone else will too.

And just the fact that you wrote this post means you're not a failure, you're a fighter.
Keep going.

Beautiful things.will.come.
They.will.

Anonymous said...

As the great Beatles say, 'all you need is love'. And all I can say is : you are loved. Stay strong.

Carol Lani Johnson said...

Remember you get more of what you focus on. I used Louise Hays' method of looking in the mirror day after day for 15 min or so, and telling myself I love you. It works. Spirit expresses through you as beauty, joy, light, power, wisdom. Remember you are surrounded by people who love and support you and Love goes before you and makes the way clear. Water what you want more of, dear one.

Anonymous said...

It’s never too late to recover….

The idea of letting go of the eating disorder can feel really scary, but with time, patience and support you can learn healthier and safer ways of coping. Often people can feel ambiguous about recovery because the idea of change can be frightening- but that doesn’t mean that it is not possible. The fact that you are sharing your thoughts with other people is really positive and it’s really important that you are not alone with this. Being honest about how you feel is really brave and you are much stronger than the eating disorder wants you to believe you are, you can recover and have a life without this illness!

You mentioned that you wanted inspiration, here’s one of my favourite quotes from a very strong woman:

"The question is not how to survive, but how to thrive, with passion, compassion, humor and style."
Maya Angelou


I hope this gives you some strength and reminds you that you deserve so much more than this illness!

avocado said...

Hey guess what, You're perfect. I'm not kidding. If you weren't, why else would you exist right now?
You have a greater purpose than you know. Sometimes life hurts A LOT. But every obstacle you overcome is just a stepping stone to get you to the happy place you need to be.
You're loved.
-d

hannah said...

Rachel,
A guy is sitting in the doctor's office, he's got a cucumber up his nose and a carrot sticking out of his ear. He says, 'Doc, I've got a problem."
"I know" says the Doctor, "you're not eating right."

you know what's beautiful? Honesty. Courage. Vulnerability. In this post alone I see those three qualities in you. Someone cares about you enough to send 500 people over to give you virtual hugs. That's special. You are special. I'll leave you with a favorite quote, for both the beginning and the end are true. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is facing a battle."

Anonymous said...

Пройдя весь малость, Егор издалека узнал в одном из встречных пешеходов свою соседку, живущую пару этажами ниже. По правде говоря он её недолюбливал. Улыбаев знал через председателя дома, который она систематический и враждебный должник, годами игнорирующий положенные платежи. При этом соседка умудрялась постепенно облекать новые багаж и беспричинно же систематически ездить куда-то сообразно выходным для своей японской малолитражке. Обычно Егор сухо здоровался с ней в лифте, пытаясь изобразить для своем добродушном лице нотки презрения, получая в отказ такое же сухое пожелание и такую же веселье от встречи на её поплывшем через наглости лице. Сегодня же соседка как-то удивилась, увидев идущего на встречу Егора, и впервые за совершенно срок их знакомства улыбнулась. Поравнявшись с ним, она первая поздоровалась, и её улыбка стала совсем уж искренней и какой-то даже озорной. Егор кивнул ей в эхо подумав, который она, наверное, не такой быстро и дешевый человек, имеющий веские причины пренебрегать квартплату. Её единица, венчающее 100 килограммовое тело, в лучах майского солнца показалось ему даже симпатичным, и он решил присутствие следующей их встрече заговорить. [url=http://profvesti.ru/o-stroitelstve-zabora/117-tekhnologiya-stroitelstva-zaborov.html]строительный портал ярославль[/url]

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