Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Hope and Renewal

It's so hard to know where to begin, and I hope that you'll stick with me through this.
If you've been reading since before I cleared all my old posts you'll already know a bit, but if not you can read my newly updated "about me" page.
Physically, mentally, emotionally. More than ever I have gone from one extreme to the other in these past few weeks. I can be doing nothing just walking along and I'm hit by these thoughts, so intense that I'm thoroughly unprepared and can't clear them from my mind. It's not that I want to die, just that (in these moments) I don't want to live. It's all too tiring. It's been going on too long. In this battle of me against myself it's impossible to win. I don't want to be negative, but I intend on being honest and sometimes that's just how things are.

I can't do this on my own, and I'm determined to fight. I'm not giving up that easily.

I've always been a words girl, ever since I was young. I don't claim to write well, nor do I expect anyone to read this. But even when my thoughts make no sense and I can't communicate verbally, writing them down seems to make a difference. And if I can help even just one person to feel less alone then that's all I could ever ask.


mlelovesyou2 said...

Romans 8: 38-39
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

You are loved. Keep fighting. :)

Anonymous said...

awwwww.. hope to catch up with you tomorrow :)

Emmy said...

Ditto mlelovesyou2.

We all love you and are here for you! And also- I got your letter and it made my day. :)

Just me said...

@mlelovesyou2 - I know you didn't post that verse for me to say, and you don't know me, but the fact that you wrote it brought me to tears. To anyone reading this: Romans 8 (along with Philippians 4) has got me through the last week and I know it will get me through the next few as well, and even when I feel like I'm doing fine at remembering these, God continues to BLOW MY MIND in the number of times he keeps reinforcing these passages to me. As in, every day. Multiple times. So thanks, mlelovesyou2 :)

And I came to this comments page intending to direct you to Philippians 4:13 anyway, Rachel.

Aside from that, Rachel, I am so proud of you & your determination to fight through this. I know this post speaks of hardship but reading it and your About Me page and seeing your hope and determination - it completely made my day.

I know you will come through this. I've never believed in anyone quite as much as I believe in you right now.

We love you & we're right behind you. You can do this xxx

Rachel Triska said...

Maybe that you can't do this alone; but you are NOT. We are always with you spiritually, even when we can't be physically. More importantly, God is ALWAYS with you. And we all love you so much. <3

Rachel said...


I am SO inspired by that. Thank you!

Rachel said...

yes! Should be a good night :)

Rachel said...


I'm really glad you got my letter :D
I was worried I might have got the postage wrong.

Rachel said...

@Just me
I have times of optimism and times of despair, but simply knowing that other people believe in me, and that God has a plan for me..wow. it's amazing.

thank-you! xx

Rachel said...

@Rachel Triska

Love you too!! Can't wait to see you again for your 21st. Yes I'm saving already ;)

Rachel Triska said...

Good! =-D
Love you!!!!!

ricketyjo said...

Keep fighting sweetie, we are right behind you. There's a letter winging its way back to you from me :) xoxo