Tuesday, August 7, 2012

reflections and ramblings

It's been almost two years since I was "love bombed" and my how things have changed since then.I just want to share a few things I've written that speak my heart.

There’s so much to praise God for, and I am so comforted by His presence. I cling to this. Not because I am some Christian of super faith. No. I cling to Jesus because I honestly don’t know what else to do. I know I’m not strong enough, I would never be able to recover on my own. These self-destructive thoughts are too strong. Too powerful. But I have seen miracles worked in my life, prayers answered. And all the broken pieces tenderly put back together.
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:37-39).
I just have to remind myself that nothing in my circumstances had changed to bring me such a change of heart. The only thing that shifted was my vision. & that shift was by no means my decision. For my mind is attacked with thoughts that leave me powerless and weak. But it is by God’s grace that I am able to lift my gaze
how can you find yourself until you’ve been truly lost? I’m not sure which way is up right now. Sometimes it’s good to have your foundations rattled. To step outside what is familiar and comfortable, and take a chance. Learn to let go of control.
I still don’t know where to begin. I’m a thousand lightyears away from where I was this time last year. And believe me when I say this fact isn’t lost on me for a single second. I’ll never doubt how gracious and faithful God is. Nor will I ever forget how blessed I am. Last year destroyed me. It shattered my beliefs and challenged everything I thought to be true. But I needed it. I now know less than I ever have before. But what I do know is enough to cover all I don’t.

Delight yourself in the Lord, & He will give you the desires of your heart

I was reduced to an illness. It didn’t matter whether I prefered coffee or tea. heels or flats. music or movies. To the doctors and therapists I wasn’t a person. I was a number. I was the number of calories, I was the number of situps, I was the number of days without food, I was the number on the scale.

that was then. and now?

now I am free. I am recovered.
now I know I am fully loved, completely accepted, and totally pleasing to God. Regardless of how much I do, or fail to do, I will remain fully loved, completely accepted, and totally pleasing to God.

I know that my worth is found in who He says I am.  

After doing art last year, I'm now studying sport and exercise performance, which is challenging to say the least but it's exactly where I need to be. I've recently had my heart broken by the first and only man I've ever loved and although I have acceptance in my heart I also know this isn't how things should be right now. Currently we aren't even speaking and I worry a lot for him. I know that God has a plan though, and all I can do is pray, and trust in Him.

I want to thank everyone who took the time to leave a comment, or pray for me, and who has stuck by me these past two years. Know that it has made the biggest difference in totally transforming my life, a life I wasn't even sure I wanted. Thank you thank you thank you.

(If you've read this far you deserve a medal or something!!!) How are you? How can I be praying for you? Leave me a message/send me an email. I'd love to hear from you.


Emily Hornburg said...

WOW. When I think back to when I first "met" you through Love Bomb and now... it's amazing! The strength of heart and soul that God has given you blows me away. You are amazing girl, and beautiful as always. LOVE YOU! <3

Nate St. Pierre said...

I have never before seen a picture like the one you created above. I love it.

And you. <3

Just me said...

I am so privileged and honoured to have been able to witness this change in you & the amazing impact it's had on your life, and the life of those around you. Rachel, you are truly wonderful and I could not be happier for you! So much love! xxx

ricketyjo said...

Wow, it's really been two years since that Love Bomb? It's been a pleasure getting to know you a little since then. Love you! xx

Melissa said...

It's so good to hear you're doing well.
Lots of love.
I just had to stop by and see how you were doing. <3