tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24995096315091940342024-03-14T11:19:09.053+13:00Fat is NOT a feeling!Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-79657359312238196152013-01-21T16:19:00.000+13:002013-01-21T16:19:44.664+13:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-41r5hpg8gpQ/UPyzsLFPpHI/AAAAAAAAAe0/Wp-qBufOfjA/s1600/Rachel+learns+to+ride+a+bike+12-01-13+009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-41r5hpg8gpQ/UPyzsLFPpHI/AAAAAAAAAe0/Wp-qBufOfjA/s320/Rachel+learns+to+ride+a+bike+12-01-13+009.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ONzBI6qSyJ0/UPyzrAtCPYI/AAAAAAAAAe4/ATI02DpRUEk/s1600/Rachel+learns+to+ride+a+bike+12-01-13+005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ONzBI6qSyJ0/UPyzrAtCPYI/AAAAAAAAAe4/ATI02DpRUEk/s320/Rachel+learns+to+ride+a+bike+12-01-13+005.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ddO6Q43edB8/UPyztkRL5PI/AAAAAAAAAe8/92FrFBaF14k/s1600/Rachel+learns+to+ride+a+bike+12-01-13+006.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ddO6Q43edB8/UPyztkRL5PI/AAAAAAAAAe8/92FrFBaF14k/s320/Rachel+learns+to+ride+a+bike+12-01-13+006.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wm0bM75cdBk/UPyzw8iOV9I/AAAAAAAAAfM/bXbPhPWVxJ8/s1600/Rachel+learns+to+ride+a+bike+12-01-13+012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wm0bM75cdBk/UPyzw8iOV9I/AAAAAAAAAfM/bXbPhPWVxJ8/s320/Rachel+learns+to+ride+a+bike+12-01-13+012.jpg" width="284" /></a></div>
at 20 years old I learnt to ride a bike. #abouttime #soproud<br /><br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-72742252071946126912012-11-17T16:02:00.000+13:002012-11-17T23:51:48.771+13:00I am found in the spaces between yes and no<br />
what could be and what really is<br />
innate sadness punctuated by hope<br />
words only shrink what seemed limitless.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-68592536857803676692012-08-07T10:50:00.000+12:002012-08-07T10:50:00.233+12:00reflections and ramblingsIt's been almost two years since I was "love bombed" and my how things have changed since then.I just want to share a few things I've written that speak my heart.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>There’s so much to praise God for, and I am so comforted by His
presence. I cling to this. Not because I am some Christian of super
faith. No. I cling to Jesus because I honestly don’t know what else to
do. I know I’m not strong enough, I would never be able to recover on my
own. These self-destructive thoughts are too strong. Too powerful. But I
have seen miracles worked in my life, prayers answered. And all the
broken pieces tenderly put back together.</i>
<br />
<blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><i>Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who
loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor
principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor
height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate
us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans
8:37-39).</i></b></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<i>I just have to remind myself that nothing in my circumstances had
changed to bring me such a change of heart. The only thing that shifted
was my vision. & that shift was by no means my decision. For my mind
is attacked with thoughts that leave me powerless and weak. But it is
by God’s grace that I am able to lift my gaze</i><br />
<i>how can you find yourself until you’ve been truly lost? I’m not sure
which way is up right now. Sometimes it’s good to have your foundations
rattled. To step outside what is familiar and comfortable, and take a
chance. Learn to let go of control. <br />I still don’t know where to
begin. I’m a thousand lightyears away from where I was this time last
year. And believe me when I say this fact isn’t lost on me for a single
second. I’ll never doubt how gracious and faithful God is. Nor will I
ever forget how blessed I am. Last year destroyed me. It shattered my
beliefs and challenged everything I thought to be true. But I needed it.
I now know less than I ever have before. But what I do know is enough
to cover all I don’t.</i><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><i>Delight yourself in the Lord, & He will give you the desires of your heart</i></b></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<i></i><br />
<i>I was reduced to an illness. It didn’t matter whether I prefered coffee
or tea. heels or flats. music or movies. To the doctors and therapists I
wasn’t a person. <u><em>I was a number</em>.</u> I was the number of calories,
I was the number of situps, I was the number of days without food, I
was the number on the scale.<br /><br />that was then. and now?</i><br />
<i>now I am free. I am recovered.<br />now I know I am fully loved, completely accepted, and totally pleasing to God.
Regardless of how much I do, or fail to do, I will remain fully loved,
completely accepted, and totally pleasing to God.</i><br />
<i>I know that my worth is found in who He says I am. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
After doing art last year, I'm now studying sport and exercise performance, which is challenging to say the least but it's exactly where I need to be. I've recently had my heart broken by the first and only man I've ever loved and although I have acceptance in my heart I also know this isn't how things should be right now. Currently we aren't even speaking and I worry a lot for him. I know that God has a plan though, and all I can do is pray, and trust in Him. <br />
<br />
I want to thank everyone who took the time to leave a comment, or pray for me, and who has stuck by me these past two years. Know that it has made the biggest difference in totally transforming my life, a life I wasn't even sure I wanted. Thank you thank you thank you.<br />
<br />
(If you've read this far you deserve a medal or something!!!) How are you? How can I be praying for you? Leave me a message/send me an <a href="mailto:rachelgorniot@hotmail.co.nz" target="_blank">email</a>. I'd love to hear from you.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m054le9jW31qk6lkwo1_400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m054le9jW31qk6lkwo1_400.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-16565998180244615162012-03-19T08:54:00.000+13:002012-03-19T08:54:32.132+13:00a day at the beach with him? (Part 2)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XSBv5fSsY1w/T2Y9bFHuMZI/AAAAAAAAAcw/8_DZRbyv60s/s1600/rachandchris.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="328" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XSBv5fSsY1w/T2Y9bFHuMZI/AAAAAAAAAcw/8_DZRbyv60s/s400/rachandchris.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-39053599260857750852012-03-17T11:56:00.000+13:002012-03-17T11:56:16.444+13:00a day at the beach with him?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Qedpn28ak9o/T2PFCA75R5I/AAAAAAAAAco/rujCzqpQoaw/s1600/tumblr_lm6qmttikv1qeep40o1_400_large.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Qedpn28ak9o/T2PFCA75R5I/AAAAAAAAAco/rujCzqpQoaw/s320/tumblr_lm6qmttikv1qeep40o1_400_large.gif" width="320" /></a></div>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-58680973926596313962012-03-06T21:15:00.000+13:002012-08-07T09:54:06.185+12:00my most genuine smiles are around him.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wiBBuxvFbpU/T1XCI7xY66I/AAAAAAAAAcQ/rAnw-PqbeLQ/s1600/garden.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="307" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wiBBuxvFbpU/T1XCI7xY66I/AAAAAAAAAcQ/rAnw-PqbeLQ/s400/garden.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
<br /><ul>
<li><blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"In life we go along sometimes almost asleep, thinking that we awake to the world around us. Little do we know that the steps we take in our slumbered walk can all but end in a nightmare. BUT, then someone comes along, wakes you from your sleeping state, you breathe again.... you feel again... you are alive. You make me feel alive <a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=100000135511757" href="https://www.facebook.com/rachelgorniot">Rachel Gorniot</a>. Something I have not felt in a long time."</i></blockquote>
<br />
</li>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-62930649363054942472012-02-25T20:01:00.003+13:002012-03-07T10:28:21.113+13:00just sayin'I'm likely to use tumblr a lot more now.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://unbelievablyfree.tumblr.com/">http://unbelievablyfree.tumblr.com/</a>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-85250262736735694892011-11-24T17:16:00.001+13:002012-08-07T10:55:40.277+12:00and oh my, darling. aren't you naive?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzxso7udcW1qk6lkwo1_400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzxso7udcW1qk6lkwo1_400.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-67322764950556184492011-11-15T13:02:00.002+13:002012-08-07T10:56:32.052+12:00goodbye notes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/1694167/alice2_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/1694167/alice2_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;">
<i style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br />
</span></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;">
<i style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span">"Hey Rachel, I hope that everything goes well with whatever you end up doing. I pray that you get a job and figure out what your passion is. Don't be afraid to take challenges and push yourself to new and sometimes scary things, you never know what you are capable of until you try. And don't be scared to talk to people! They aren't that scary, except for the ones who are in fact a bit creepy. See you around. God Bless, C."</span></i></div>
<div>
<ul></ul>
</div>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-65404252426409618852011-11-09T20:11:00.002+13:002012-08-07T11:00:20.750+12:00Wordless Wednesdays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media-cache-ec2.pinterest.com/upload/132222939030539543_f040OYhB_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://media-cache-ec2.pinterest.com/upload/132222939030539543_f040OYhB_b.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-6890018504839376542011-11-08T21:29:00.002+13:002011-11-08T21:31:49.264+13:00little you<div style="text-align: center;"> <u style="color: #3d85c6;">Here's a helpful exercise:</u></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">Picture yourself when you were five. In fact dig out a photo of little you at the time and tape it to your mirror.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><br />
</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Rgn2hJIl7cQ/TrjY79YefxI/AAAAAAAAAbw/nFrRw5ztAW8/s1600/299679_298588266835246_100000522241111_1143725_1011191654_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Rgn2hJIl7cQ/TrjY79YefxI/AAAAAAAAAbw/nFrRw5ztAW8/s320/299679_298588266835246_100000522241111_1143725_1011191654_n.jpg" width="216" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Little me on my 5th Birthday (awww how cute!)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"> How would you treat her, love her, feed her? How would you nurture her if you were the mother of little you? I bet you would protect her fiercely while giving her space to spread her itty-bitty wings.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"> She'd get naps, healthy food, imagination time, and adventures into the wild. If playground bullies hurt her feelings, you'd hug her tears away and give her perspective. When tantrums or meltdowns turned her into a poltergeist, you'd demand a loving time-out in the naughty chair.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/12169353/tumblr_lol22iRhf91qggdv1o1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/12169353/tumblr_lol22iRhf91qggdv1o1_500_large.jpg" width="224" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">From this day forward I want you to extend the same compassion to your adult self.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">"If not you, then who? If not now, then when?"</span> </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">the next time your inner nag has something bad to say, stop and think about that kid. Then rewrite your script accordingly. you're worth it angel wing. The world needs you to stand in your holy shazzam glory!</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">(From </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">Kris Carr, 'Crazy sexy diet'</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;">I have an eating disorder and<b> it is NOT my fault</b>. there. I said it. Loud and proud. I can not carry on with all these self-destructive behaviours. It has to stop and it has to stop soon. </div><div style="text-align: left;">Instead of belittling and beating myself up for eating 'too much' or doing something 'wrong' I need to take a kinder more gentle approach. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>I force myself to throw up after eating, tell myself I'm fat/worthless/ugly, drag myself to the gym when I'm sick and tired and should be resting.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>I'd never treat a 5 year old that way!</u></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So often so many of us struggle to show ourselves the same compassion we would show to others.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><ul><li><i>Do you find it hard to 'accept' that you are worth loving and treating right? how do you deal with these feelings?</i></li>
</ul><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />
</span></span></div>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-47584818352978654662011-11-01T21:41:00.001+13:002011-11-01T21:50:46.766+13:00Hope and RenewalIt's so hard to know where to begin, and I hope that you'll stick with me through this.<br />
<div>If you've been reading since before I cleared all my old posts you'll already know a bit, but if not you can read my newly updated "about me" page.</div><div>Physically, mentally, emotionally. More than ever I have gone from one extreme to the other in these past few weeks. I can be doing nothing just walking along and I'm hit by these thoughts, so intense that I'm thoroughly unprepared and can't clear them from my mind. It's not that I want to die, just that (in these moments) I don't want to live. It's all too tiring. It's been going on too long. In this battle of me against myself it's impossible to win. I don't want to be negative, but I intend on being honest and sometimes that's just how things are.</div><div><br />
</div><div><i>I can't do this on my own, and I'm determined to fight. I'm not giving up that easily.</i></div><div><br />
</div><div>I've always been a words girl, ever since I was young. I don't claim to write well, nor do I expect anyone to read this. But even when my thoughts make no sense and I can't communicate verbally, writing them down seems to make a difference. And if I can help even just one person to feel less alone then that's all I could ever ask.</div><div><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9g7xaXeyW1qa31l7o1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1320223271&Signature=1OxuBgnNB%2BieI3NK6MShB53EU5c%3D" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9g7xaXeyW1qa31l7o1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1320223271&Signature=1OxuBgnNB%2BieI3NK6MShB53EU5c%3D" width="320" /></a></div><div><br />
</div>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2499509631509194034.post-22896393725519976642010-08-26T09:28:00.006+12:002012-08-06T20:22:56.626+12:00get motivated?thank you m'lovely "anonymous" for that comment " <3 "<br />
I do appreciate each and every comment I receive. Haha although all anonymous comments make me paranoid a family member may have discovered my blog...<br />
<br />
I was going to get motivated today, but instead I sit here in my pyjamas still feel sorry for myself although I know everything is my fault. Go figure.<br />
<br />
<i>what I need is some inspiration. I need someone I admire to tell me every thing's going to be alright. That they believe in me. That I'm not the fat failure I think I am.</i><br />
<i>- </i>unfortunately I can't see that happening any time before it's too late, if it's not already too late.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14405678437328568360noreply@blogger.com506